Val D'Isere

Reports that Henry was enjoying a well deserved respite from his busy schedule for one week in the French ski resort, Val D'Isere, appear to have been false. His colleagues at the University of Durham who were on the trip were reluctant to give us any information: Fred Walker said "Henry's activities are frankly none of your business"; Rory Robertson refused to comment, telling us to "fuck off". (Incidentally, Rory 'From York' Robertson is the head supervisor of Henry's escort detail; as such, we took the opportunity to leave rather quickly.)

An Apology

Upon the release of Henry's whereabout by this agency, the Cinamon Grand had to close its doors to what was described as a "robust and overwhelming mass of frenzied fans". Hours later the hotel was reopened; the Director Emeritus of the Henry Bodkin Foundation and the Cinnamon Grand's Chief Marketing Officer released a statement soon after notifying the crowd that Henry was escorted out of the hotel and has left to celebrate the New Year outside of the country. The airport authorities had no further information and his private jet has not logged the journey with officials here.

We regret to inform our readers that once the crowd had dispersed, two were found dead and over half a dozen injured from being crushed against the hotel by the swell of the crowd. The hotel's CMO issued a further statement of condolence to the families of the victims. Whilst we also sympathise with the families and recognise that it was this agency that released Henry's whereabouts and resulted in the tragedy, we hope the families of the victims find solace knowing that their loved ones died in close company of Henry Bodkin, a man they cherished more than their own lives.

Henry's whereabouts are, again, unknown.

Henry's New Years Eve plans discovered!

We have just received and verified reports form our source in Colombo that Henry has checked in to the Cinnamon Grand hotel in Sri Lanka's capital city under his most commonly used alias, Alfred Caroline Hitchcock. After bribing a hotel clerk, our source discovered that Henry plans to stay in Colombo throughout the following week.

*The alias is a tribute to his favourite film director, Alfred Hitchcock. Rumours have circulated that Caroline is reference to who is believed to be his former lover, Caroline Louise Marguerite, Her Royal Highness the Princess of Hanover. The two are suspected of having had a secret love affair during the Princess' menopause. Henry has neither confirmed or denied these rumours, although it very adequately explains his company's acquisition of a former Monegasque Royal Palace, as well as his honourary title, the Marquis of Guiscard.

Day trip to a Tamil Village

Contrary to reports of Henry's arrival tomorrow afternoon, we have learned that Henry has been in India for a number of days now. He was sighted in the Cardamom Hills late last night, and his publicity office has released pictures of his visit to a Tamil Village in Northern Sri Lanka this morning.

Here the children are seen celebrating a festival held in Henry's honour. The swords are symbols representing Henry's glorious victory over the beast that would come down from the forest in the dark of the night and urinate on the village's tea plantations; this apparently had no negative affect on the crops whatsoever. However, it produced a reprehensible odour that unfortunately made cooking, football matches and sexual intercourse activities that were very unpleasant for the village's inhabitants.

Henry never revealed what exactly the beast was, but scientists from Harvard and the Indian Council on Agricultural Research have speculated that it was a rare breed of feline that now, thanks to Henry's brave endeavour, is beleived to be extinct.

Further news on Henry's whereabouts are unknown.

A Bodkin New Year

News of Bobo's plans to spend New Year's Eve in India were leaked by his former secretary to the Associated Press. Despite his attempts to suppress this information from the media, we have nonetheless managed to acquire his travel plans. He is due to arrive in New Dehli and on 30th December, around midday.

British Airways has released a statement notifying the public that due the extreme influx of demand for tickets to New Dehli this New Years Even prices have increased to premium rates, although this move reportedly had a minimal affect on their ticket purchases.

News has been filtered that Bodders will be rowing on Saturday, but hte location has been kept secret. In other news, Bodders has updated his Facebook Groups and created the group 'Leonidas IV'. This illusive group is membership upon request only, but we do, however, have agents on the ground who are in the process of infiltrating Bodders' newest following.

Bodders attends mundane charity event, something to do with children and Africa.